God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
The courage to change the things I can,
And the wisdom to know the difference.
Living one day at a time,
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardship as a pathway to peace;
Taking, as Jesus did, this sinful world as it is;
Not as I would have it;
Trusting that You will make all things right if I surrender to your will;
So that I may be reasonably happy in this life
And supremely happy with You forever in the next.
Amen
Years ago, I was in a healing and restorative group called Celebrate Recovery at a local church. My issues were not the reason I went as I was there to support a companion in dire need of the program. I soon found I needed the help too. Surprise!
Celebrate Recovery http://www.celebraterecovery.com is a Christ-based Step Program for anyone with hurts, habits and hangups. I was not addicted to alcohol or drugs, but my list of hangups was a mile long. One hangup that ultimately led me to continue in recovery myself was my need to control things.
I would not say that I am a Type A, but Lord knows I can be bossy and try to help everyone around me do things the “right” way. If you want to do something and are not getting it quite right or if I’m working in a group, despite the fact that I am not a leader by position in the situation, I will try to help things along.
Those of you who are controllers know how exhausting this hangup is. Those of you who have controllers in your life also know how exhausting that is.
One of the first questions I had to answer in an early Celebrate Recovery meeting was, ‘What can you control?’ I was hesitant to answer because my heart knew the answer: nothing outside of myself. I can’t make anyone else do anything and I cannot be in charge of things on a regular basis. Things will happen all around me — good things and bad things. I can’t make them happen and I can’t stop them from happening. I can only control my part in the situation whether it is as someone who created the situation or someone who can react or not. I can do that.
I’ve spent a lot of time in the past trying to make situations better. I’ve tried to get people to do things in a better way, to do something I think they should do, etc. The only way they will comply is if they want to. No amount of coercion can cause exactly what I want to come about.
This is a lesson I have to re-learn on a regular basis. Now that I am focusing on the truth that the only thing I can control is my own behavior, I am being tested and taught daily. Just today, I had a plan to go to church, do a little shopping with my husband than home to cook dinner for my daughter, Lauren, son-in-law, Geoff and granddaughter, AJ. In the middle of the shopping trip, I was the victim of an indecent exposure case which (keep in mind that I can only control my own actions) I reported the situation to the police who came out immediately to follow up and see if they could track the perpetrator’s license plate.
I was a victim and there was nothing I could do about it. I was a citizen and did my duty to speak up and let the authorities handle the situation. My hope is they put the fear of authority in this guy and he thinks twice before doing it again. But if he does? Nothing I can do about it.
I have to admit there is a lot to learn in this lesson. Admittedly, there is freedom in knowing I am not in charge. I once read a book where the author said that if you would like to be the center of the universe, are you ready to be responsible for everything that happens — all over the world and in every situation? Not me! As I get older, I am trying to wise up and realize how much easier living life can be when I relax, do the right thing and rest assured that I can’t force any outcome in any situation. I only have to concentrate on my responsibility in the moment.
What about you? Feel like you try to control a little too much in your world?
Do you notice that when you are concentrating on a specific aspect you need to better yourself in, that you are tried and tested in that exact particular?
I would love to hear from you. Community is a wonderful thing and when we work together it makes us all stronger.
